Zombieland and Woody Harrelson Love

I'm not even going to pretend that this trailer doesn't give me a big 'ol zombie-lovin' movie-goin' boner.

Zombies are awesome. If you disagree, then you are not awesome. I mean, you are allowed to have your opinion, but you're also allowed to be really fucking wrong.

Funny how that works, ennit?

But fact is, even if you're a complete douchecanoe and don't love zombies, you still pretty much have to be looking forward to this movie. Why? 'Cause it not only has zombies, but it has Bill Murray as a zombie. Now, am I the only one currently replaying the movie "What About Bob?" with an alternate ending in which Bill Murray, y'know...eats Richard Dreyfuss' brains?

I am?

Okay, whatever. Be lame. I'll be living it up with Zombie Bob.

Heh. Anyway.

So, another reason this movie looks freakin' sweet is 'cause Woody Harrelson stars as a zombie killer named Tallahassee. And he wears a cowboy hat. And he's Woody Harrelson. See, I've had a creeper crush on Harrelson ever since "Natural Born Killers".




"Natural Born Killers" was pretty much the first film to truly take advantage of Harrelson's best feature: his crazymotherfucker eyes.

Honestly, look into them baby blues and tell me you don't feel a chill up your spine. Dude already looked fucking psychotic, Oliver Stone's bloody masterpiece of a film just brought it to life when he cast him as Mickey Knox, America's favorite white trash serial killer.

If you haven't seen "Natural Born Killers", watch it. Now. Stop reading this blog, and fucking watch it.

It has Juliette Lewis as Mallory Knox, crazy bitch extraordinairre.

It also has Robert Downey, Jr. as a smarmy media personality with an Australian accent.

And it has a brief but significant cameo from Rodney Dangerfield.


Shit. Talk about crazymotherfucker eyes.

Okay, okay, so I've only just seen the trailer for "Zombieland". I've (surprisingly) never heard anything about it before today, and I'm probably blowing my uber-fan load way too early on this one.

Many films have a sad and annoying habit of having awesome trailers and sucking when you watch the whole thing. It's like the movie advertisers take all the best bits from the movie and edit it into three minutes or less of awesomeness, therefore luring an unsuspecting public into wasting their money on one epic fail of a flick.

Fucking letdown.

But, hey, my spirit hasn't been completely broken by the film industry quite yet, so I think I'll give this one a chance. It looks funny. It looks pseudo-gruesome. I'm psyched.

And if it turns out to be a shitstorm of letdown, then I'll just rent "28 Days Later" and cry a little.


Fuck. Tell me that man does not look like a killer.

Out.

Louis Garrel and "The Dreamers" a.k.a. French Sexy Time

I feel like rambling about pretty boys. So let's just dive right in, shall we?

Louis Garrel, French actor and muse for my inner pervert, is very much worth gazing at. Not to mention my inner Jew sort of wants to mate with him and have little pretty-eyed French-speaking whimsical Jew-babies.

But that, my dear friends, will never happen. So I'll just blog about the dude.

Unfortunately, the only film I have seen Mr. Garrel in so far is "The Dreamers", directed by Bernardo Bertolucci and also starring Michael Pitt and Eva Green. I say 'unfortunately' not because the movie isn't good - 'cause it fucking is - but because I want to see more of Louis. Now.

Born on June 14, 1983, Mr. Garrel is currently - lemme count here - 26 years old, putting him in the Slightly Gross But Not Really zone if I were to ever, y'know...bone him. And with him being fucking French cinematic royalty ( his grandfather and godfather both happen to be famous French actors, his father is a director, and his mother is a director and actress), this cinephile (*points to self like an ass*) ain't opposed to the idea.

But back to "The Dreamers". This is a beautiful film. I highly recommend it to anyone who is willing to set aside their bullshit preconceived notions about relationships and sex and just watch the goddamn movie.

The film follows a young American student - Matthew (Michael Pitt) - in 1968 France who is taken in by two beautiful young fellow film buffs named Theo (Louis Garrel) and Isabelle (Eva Green).

Now, many student-led, film-related, communism-tinged revolutionary things are happening in France at this time. But instead of taking part in such silliness, the trio hole up together in Theo and Isabelle's apartment (a set that serves as a beautiful and poetic-without-being-pretentious background to much of the story). Thought-provoking conversation on politics and film ensues.

Oh, and sex. Lots of sex (did I mention "The Dreamers" is NC-17?). I mean, it is directed by the man behind "Last Tango In Paris", after all (caution, link contains nekkidness).

Now, the graphic sexuality/nudity aspect may be a bit cringe-worthy for some, seeing as Theo and Isabelle are brother and sister. Which brings to mind another Garrel film that I have yet to see - "Ma Mere" - in which Garrel's character engages in an alarmingly Oedipal relationship with his mother.

Am I sensing a pattern here?

Eh, whatever. Watch "The Dreamers". It rocks.

Although the film stars Michael Pitt - who I will undoubtedly blog about at a later date - I have to say I think Louis Garrel entrancing. He has a rather understated style of acting that I find very appealing. Dramatic without being melodramatic (rather rare in young actors nowadays).

Also, I am a big fan of different, and this guy just looks different to me. Acting talent aside, he's a sweet piece of ass.

What is considered attractive nowadays - and this goes for men AND women - has become ridiculously homogenized. Women are supposed to have big tits, guys are supposed to have washboard abs, blah-blah-blah. It's boring.

Garrel has wild hair, awkward lips, a big nose, and is crazy beautiful. He's very graceful - even pretty - without being terribly androgynous. I doubt anyone would mistake Louis for a woman, although he doesn't necessarily fit the standards for masculinity.

Ugh. It's times like these I actually wish I was French. Personally, I don't get people's problem with the French. Sure, they're all pretentious, cigarette-smoking pussies, but damn. THEY'RE PEOPLE TOO...kind of.

But hey, at least they produce very stunning young men. Remember, this is the same country that gave us the vaguely-talented actor/model Gaspard Ulliel.

Recognize him? You probably saw him in "Hannibal Rising" playing - you guessed it - a young Hannibal Lecter.

Although the film dragged a little, I thought it was pretty good. Worth watching, at least (although Gaspard was mainly what kept me in my seat).

He's definitely got this pretty-yet-creepy thing going on. In preparing for his role as Hannibal, Gaspard took an autopsy coarse in which he practiced dissecting human cadavers.


Some might say he enjoyed the experienced a little too much. But that's cool. Who doesn't enjoy a little human dissection every once in a while, amirite??

One film that Gaspard appears in that I would also highly recommend is the collection of short films "Paris Je T'Aime" ("Paris, I Love You"). The one with Mr. Ulliel in it I actually did find particularly affecting, and hey, maybe he's got more talent than I give him credit for. Hopefully he'll show it in the future. I like being proven wrong.

Just don't retire your modeling career quite yet, honey.

So, as for Louis Garrel and Gaspard Ulliel, keep on rocking in the French world. And preferably my dream world too. Pantsless.



Oh, and did I mention Louis can sing?

In conclusion: I'd tap that.

Out.